Wednesday, August 27, 2008

8 months

My sweetheart will be 8 months old tomorrow. I cannot believe it has been 8 months since she was born. This year is just flying by and my little angel is getting so big. She is actively crawling now and can get just about anywhere. She eats three solid meals a day and drinks right around 21-27 ounces of formula. I'm a little unsure about when to start finger foods and what type to offer her. She only has two bottom teeth so I'm not sure how I could give her a cracker or cheerio yet. Won't she choke?

My Lily is a great sleeper. She goes to bed right around 7:30pm and sleeps until 6:30 or 7ish. This schedule makes for a very happy momma. Of course I get up a few times during the night to check on her and flip her back over onto her back. Is it okay to leave her on her belly if she flips during the night? I'm not sure what to do there so I just get up when I hear her turn and flip her back over.

She hugs me now really tight around my neck when I get home from work. She loves her toys and gets super excited when she sees a new toy. Christmas is going to be so much fun this year watching her get excited about her presents and toys. My mom brought her over a little toy today and I wasn't home but both my mom and sister said that she just laughed and laughed and was so happy and excited by her new toy. It was this pink purse that played music. I was at work but it makes me so happy that Lily has my sister as her nanny and my mom can come over during the afternoon and spend time with her. If you have to work I don't think there is a better scenario.

Oh and we put an offer in on a new house. We put the offer in on Tuesday and still haven't heard yet. It was a pretty low ball offer in a great neighborhood so we're crossing our fingers. We're taking Lily on her first airplane ride this weekend. We're visiting some friends in Canada for the long weekend. I'm a little nervous navigating the airport with her but I'm sure between the two of us we'll figure it out.

Wish us luck on the house!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

My Husband

B and I had a long talk last night. One of those three hour marathon "state of the union" talks. I could have talked another three hours but it was midnight and nothing was getting resolved and it all sort of seemed pointless. Here's the thing: I started crying Sunday night while I was lying in bed because of some selfish act on B's part and it all just sort of hit me. I so desperately want to create this perfect family for Lily that I let B get away with a lot of selfish inconsiderate things because I don't want to argue. B is a great father. He loves Lily like crazy and smothers her with kisses on a daily basis. He never complains about helping out with her or putting her to bed or giving baths. He's an active, involved wonderful father. But he acts like his time is so much more valuable than my time. I spend ALL my time either taking care of Lily or cooking or doing something around the house. I rarely have ME time. And if B doesn't get his "me" time he freaks out. He needs to work out, play soccer, run his thousand+ errands yadayada. And I'm just frustrated and I'm irritated. I wish he was a little more committed to making me happy or doing things that would make me happy. Like, plan a vacation for us. Or buy me flowers or something that shows he cares about me. Everything is always about HIM. Okay so here's something I would like an opinion on that we can't seem to agree on:

On Saturday he says to me "Hey, I bought you a present". I get all excited not thinking it was anything big or expensive just at the thought that he thought of me. It turned out to be some $10 little thing which was nice. Later on that day he mentions that he bought it out of our joint spending account. We each have our own accounts and a joint account. I was totally irritated and told him to return it. Am I just being bitchy? Or, can anyone see my point about how this isn't exactly a "present' . And it's just $10 aren't I worth that? That's how I felt. Opinons??

Then as I was laying in bed crying I realized that I'm doing exactly what my mother did. Pretending things are all peachy and rosy and in reality they are not. I'm so worried about giving Lily this idyllic childhood that I didn't have that I'm losing my own voice in my marriage. Looking back now I think one of the most powerful things my mother could do for me would be to acknowledge that I didn't have a good childhood and that she's sorry. Instead she says things like "we always had the most wonderful holidays didn't we". I realize she's trying to remember the "good times" but I would like some mention of the bad times. Just to make it seem more real. I don't want to do that to Lily. I can't give her a perfect childhood. But, I can give her a pretty good one with two parents who love and adore her. Our marriage has problems that we need to work on. Neither one of us are going anywhere. We're committed to each other and we love each other but we need to do some work. Pretending that the issues aren't there isn't going to solve anything.

We went through 3+ years of infertility and then finally having our beautiful daughter. Life has been sort of crazy and I think we need to reconnect with each other and I don't know how to do that. I don't want to turn into one of those couples that have nothing to say to each other when they go out to dinner and just sit in silence.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

A Good Day

The most perfect day ever.
75 degrees. A day wine tasting with my good friends. A picnic. A few bottles of red wine. No clouds outside or inside. Perfection. Here's proof.