I'm doing the best I can DAMN IT!

My in-laws have been in town all week and then there was Father's Day yadayadayada. So I'm behind in my NabloPoMo posting. I'm working on it. I'll try to be better. I'm a week behind already. Crap.

I did manage to go to Bikram yoga this week. That is the yoga that is 105 degrees and you are in the room for 90 minutes doing various poses. I also went for a run yesterday. I'm sure I won't lose the weight that I had planned on losing before Lily's baptism next Saturday but even if I can lose one or two pounds I'll feel better. I had it in my head that I wanted to lose all of my baby weight by her baptism. She'll be six months old next Saturday too so that seemed like a perfectly respectable goal. We'll I'm about 7lbs short of that goal. I know I should just go hard core South Beach for the week and then I know I could lose at least 4-5 lbs but my motivation is fading. And after a week of my MIL belittling me and my mothering skills I don't think I'm up to the task.

Baby notes:
- She starts to make this little "haahaaa" cough sound when you're not paying attention to her.
- I started her on sweet potatoes and squash this week. My MIL fed it to her so I didn't actually get to see her reaction but it sounded like she really loved it. My little social butterfly loves attention and she's getting plenty of it with the in-laws here and then B and I fighting over her when we get home from work.
- B put together this little exersaucer toy for her where she can sit in it and spin around and look at the various little toys and she gets so super excited when we put her in it. She makes all kinds of noises and smiles.
- Last night she was pretty fussy in her crib so about 4:00 a.m. I brought her to bed with us and as soon as I put her down she was sound asleep and she didn't move or make a peep until 7:30. I woke up and she was staring at me, quietly. It was a perfect way to start my day.

The Motherhood

While I was trying to get pregnant I often felt like The Motherhood was an elusive, elite sorority that I desperately wanted to pledge. I didn't get the inside jokes about sleep deprivation and breastfeeding. I didn't know the secret Motherhood handshake. Oh believe me I tried to play along. I was desperate to join. But just like it is with dating, l'eau d'desperation is not a fragrance people find attractive. Now that I'm in the club I get to laugh at all the jokes and even tell a few of my own. I can have endless hours of conversation about the feeding or sleep habits of my baby. Women stop me and my baby in Whole Foods and start up conversations at random. Women really are talkative and friendly when you are part of the Motherhood. Is it just that now they can figure me out or is the baby just a great conversation starter? At 37 I am a bit older than most of the first time Motherhood members but I still feel welcome in the club. It's really nice to finally feel like I fit in. I sometimes see a wanna-be member like I use to be and I can feel her eagerness to join the group. I see my former infertile self in her. But most of all, I'm just happy that I am not her anymore.

The Motherhood does have a dark side. They are definitely a competitive bunch. I've always known women to be competitive but the Motherhood can bring it to a whole new level. And I have a feeling it is only going to get worse. Mothers are truly amazing people. I have developed a great deal appreciation for mothers since becoming one myself. But why do we need to put other women down to make ourselves feel like better mothers and wives. I really hope that I don't become one of those women. One of these women is my mother in law. Just because I'm part of the Motherhood doesn't mean she's going to welcome me into the group with open arms. I'm not done with her initiation. I still need to earn my apron strings.

Lily highlight: My little bubble-blower. She is constantly trying to blow little spit bubbles. It's so cute when she has her nook in her mouth and she's tries to blow bubbles - she just lays in her crib with her nook and you can hear her making all this noise. It is so cute! Oh and she loves to scratch everything. Her little fingers are always trying to feel fabric or texture. She even does it in her sleep.

Good night!

Mad Skills

Since I've become a mom I've acquired some new skills that I'm actually quite impressed with.

1. The ability to reach behind into the car seat (while driving) find Lily's nook buried somewhere in her seat and pop it back into her mouth. My arms can expand and stretch similiar to that of a super hero.
2. I can recognize my baby's cry anywhere. I can even tell the difference between newborn cries. I'll be shopping somewhere and hear a baby cry and can instantly tell approximately how old that baby is. I should try out for one of those jobs guessing people's weight and ages at the state fair. I could make big coin.
3. Multitasking - HA! I quadtruple task. Make dinner while feeding baby inbetween loads of laundry all the while gossiping on the telephone to my girlfriend and watching reruns of Sex and the City.

Pretty soon I'll be flying around in my invisible plane and deflecting bullets from my magical arm bands.

I'm all in

I signed up with NaBloPoMoFo - okay I added the 'Fo. I figured it was the only way to jump start this blog and capture the randomness of my ADD mind.

Does this post count as #1?

My First Mother's Day

Today I celebrated my first mother's day with my beautiful baby girl Lily. She spent most of the day in my arms including a 2 hour nap that she took while I watched the last three episodes of Desperate Housewives on the DVR. During that two hours I just kept looking at her in amazement that she is here and reflecting on the the last year of my life and where I was last year mother's day. Being a mother is more than I thought it would be....more of everything. More fun. More love more happiness and more excitement for every day to begin. She has a thousand smiles and I adore each and every one. There's the gummy wide open mouth smile. The closed lip skinny lip smile. The elvis snarl half-smile. She's such a happy baby. We can take her anywhere. She'll either sleep or look around the room at everything. She so happy when she's out in public. I definitely think my little Lily is a people person. Today she gave me a very special gift for Mother's Day...she slept through the night until 6:30 this morning. I awoke to my husband making breakfast and presents and cards from both my husband and Lily. My husband and Lily bought me a juicy couture necklace, which I love. I received so many sweet mother's day cards from my friends and family. I'm so surprised at how everyone remembered me on this day. Then we went to brunch at the Bonfire with my mom and my brother. She wore the sweetest little dress that her Bobbi bought for her from Neiman Marcus. She looked like a little princess.
Other hightlights:
- she started turning over at few weeks ago at around 4 months old and now at almost 5 months old she's mastered it.
- she reaches for everything now. she can pick things ups (not for long) and ultimately her goal is to try and put them in her mouth.
- she's started to pull herself up. she can't sit up by herself yet sure tries and gets very excited when she can sit by herself for a split second before she falls over and I catch her.
- one of our favorite morning pasttimes is after she wakes up I bring her in bed with me and I get my coffee and I turn on the Today Show and she lays by me and plays with her sweet little feet and I pick her up and we cuddle and play. We sometimes lay there like that all morning long until we get up and start our day.
- her little leggies are getting so strong. She can stand while I'm holding her and her legs are just solid. I definitely think she's going to be an early walker.
- she's such a good baby. such a happy baby and I'm so proud to be her mom. I love every single day that I get to spend with my angel.
- she's looking more and more like her father. He's great at making her laugh.
- we're thinking of moving her into her own room within the next week or so. B is such a softie that he's going to sleep in there with her for the first week until she gets use to it. I almost have her room finished but I need to order a bookshelf and then it will be complete. For some bizarre reason I can't mentally move her in there until the room is completely finished. Every photo hung, every nick nack in place. I know I'm being completely anal but I just want her to be happy in her room and I need everything to be perfect (or as perfect as I can make it).

In other unrelated baby news. I NEED A JOB AND A NEW HOUSE. Those are the top two things on my agenda. As far as the possible New York move, I ended up e-mailing my former boss and telling her that now isn't the right time for me to relocated my family but I'd love to consider any position that would allow me to stay her in Minnesota. She's was going to think through things and talk to me sometimes this week so we'll see what happens. We went to look at a house this weekend which I really liked but my husband wasn't so sure about. We may go look at it again this week. I just want to be in my new house this summer so that we can enjoy our backyard and have our friends over for BBQ's and cocktails and enjoy what little summer we get to have in Minnesota. This house we looked at even had a hot tub.

I am so happy to be a mom today and so so very grateful.

universal issues

Be careful of what you put down on paper. Dang. Last year I was into this whole "Secret" thing. You know the book, dvd/oprah thing that swept the nation last year. Well I bought the CD last March/Aprilish and willed myself to have a baby. No, I demanded the universe to give me my baby. I had been infertile long enough and I was just ready to be a mom. Anyway, long story short I got pregnant and I had a baby. So I was at this lecture last week and he was one of the guys in the "Secret" so he had us write down what we wanted this year or in 3-5 years I really can't remember. I was playing along writing stuff down. Stuff I didn't even know if I even wanted. So I wrote down that I wanted to move to New York well the universe must have been listening to me again because the VERY next day my old boss calls me who is now the VP of this internet company asking me if I'd be open to moving to...California. Ok. It's not New York but they have an office in New York. Anyway I thought it was just bizarre and it really got me thinking. Could I move to California or New York or wherever? Could I? Anyway I wrote back "yeah sure I could" not really even thinking about it seriously but thinking I should throw it back to the universe and see what I get. The universe asked so I thought I should be polite. You never know. The universe has been so wonderful to me so far so I trust that it has my best interest in mind.

I have a few questions of the universe however:

1. Why is that even after an entire week of my baby spitting up on herself and many many blowouts in her diaper does she still smell so damn good.

2. When will I stop feeling like I need to do the happy dance every time she looks at me and smiles.

3. How long before me and B will stop filling up an entire evening with gushing over our baby. I'll be like "remember when she did this" and he'll be all like "I know I know and then she did that". I'm starting to annoy my former infertile self. The part of me that wanted to believe that a baby wouldn't make us closer or happier. We are closer. I am happier all because of her.

4. How does she go from being vertical in her bassinette to completely horizontal by morning. And more importantly why?

5. Why is she always eating her hand. Does it taste good? She'll never fit the whole thing in her mouth so why keep trying. But her hand in her mouth sure does make her happy so I don't discourage it too much. Although it is making her hands get sort of chapped.

6. She can't laugh yet but at night on the baby monitor I can hear her laughing. Oh how I love that! What is making her laugh? It is the most adorably sweet little sound ever.

Ok. One more photo and that's it for awhile.

Tomorrow I'm going to infant story time with my friend Sarah. I can't wait..

Best of both worlds

I'm into my third week of being a working mom. I still feel like I'm in a sitcom in the morning rushing around getting myself ready, feeding the baby and rushing out the door before the nanny (aka my sister) arrives. It feels so crazy and hectic and wonderful at the same time. I'm sure eventually the novelty will wear off one day but for now I love the hustle and bustle of being a working mom. But then again I love Friday's and Monday's when I can be a stay at home mom too. Yesterday there was a big snow storm here in Minnesota and me and baby didn't leave the house all day. We slept late, made bread (of course I did most of the work), and chili. Dang I love that girl. Her smile just melts me. It goes from ear to ear and still almost brings me to tears. The best part of the day is the end of it when I get to go home and see her. I rock her to sleep, sing her a little song and put her in her crib at 7 and she sleeps until about 5. She's a great sleeper. Sunday morning we slept until 9:45.

It's amazing that I've completely lost interest in going out on the weekends. I'm so content to stay home with her and my husband (and drink wine). I use to think I wouldn't be one of those mom's that completely lost their social life once they had children but a few things have become apparent a) I don't have a babysitter and so no choice but to stay home b) after a long week it's nice to stay home c) since having the baby my "going out funds" have dwindled d) I can always have peeps over for dinner - inexpensive and fun at the same time e) on the weekends I want to spend as much time with her as possible anyway f) B and I can always go out for an early dinner with Lily (like at 5) and still get home early enough to put Lily to bed. See I'm a huge dork. I know it. The thought that I 'd have this great social life even after having a baby is just one of the many lies that I told myself along with thinking I could eat as much as I wanted while pregnant and I'd lose the weight right away. What's next? Mom hair? If I write on my blog that I'm getting a perm will somebody please say something and stop me!

I'm really hoping this three day a week deal keeps working out with my job. I can't imagine having to work a full 40 hour work week. When the heck would I see her? This american lifestyle is for the birds. Only 12 weeks maternity leave, unpaid and then right back at work. I want to move to Sweden where we could all stay at home as a family for 6 months. Wouldn't that be nice.

My big girl is 13 weeks old. So far the big changes have been her alertness, her big smiles and her better sleeping. Oh and she loves her bath time. I think her bath time is my favorite time of the entire week. This is much easier that the first few weeks when I thought I was losing my mind. Well I think I did lose it briefly. Here's a new photo of my sweet girl. Ok. I'll stop gushing now.