Friday, April 4, 2008

universal issues

Be careful of what you put down on paper. Dang. Last year I was into this whole "Secret" thing. You know the book, dvd/oprah thing that swept the nation last year. Well I bought the CD last March/Aprilish and willed myself to have a baby. No, I demanded the universe to give me my baby. I had been infertile long enough and I was just ready to be a mom. Anyway, long story short I got pregnant and I had a baby. So I was at this lecture last week and he was one of the guys in the "Secret" so he had us write down what we wanted this year or in 3-5 years I really can't remember. I was playing along writing stuff down. Stuff I didn't even know if I even wanted. So I wrote down that I wanted to move to New York well the universe must have been listening to me again because the VERY next day my old boss calls me who is now the VP of this internet company asking me if I'd be open to moving to...California. Ok. It's not New York but they have an office in New York. Anyway I thought it was just bizarre and it really got me thinking. Could I move to California or New York or wherever? Could I? Anyway I wrote back "yeah sure I could" not really even thinking about it seriously but thinking I should throw it back to the universe and see what I get. The universe asked so I thought I should be polite. You never know. The universe has been so wonderful to me so far so I trust that it has my best interest in mind.

I have a few questions of the universe however:

1. Why is that even after an entire week of my baby spitting up on herself and many many blowouts in her diaper does she still smell so damn good.

2. When will I stop feeling like I need to do the happy dance every time she looks at me and smiles.

3. How long before me and B will stop filling up an entire evening with gushing over our baby. I'll be like "remember when she did this" and he'll be all like "I know I know and then she did that". I'm starting to annoy my former infertile self. The part of me that wanted to believe that a baby wouldn't make us closer or happier. We are closer. I am happier all because of her.

4. How does she go from being vertical in her bassinette to completely horizontal by morning. And more importantly why?

5. Why is she always eating her hand. Does it taste good? She'll never fit the whole thing in her mouth so why keep trying. But her hand in her mouth sure does make her happy so I don't discourage it too much. Although it is making her hands get sort of chapped.

6. She can't laugh yet but at night on the baby monitor I can hear her laughing. Oh how I love that! What is making her laugh? It is the most adorably sweet little sound ever.

Ok. One more photo and that's it for awhile.

Tomorrow I'm going to infant story time with my friend Sarah. I can't wait..

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Best of both worlds

I'm into my third week of being a working mom. I still feel like I'm in a sitcom in the morning rushing around getting myself ready, feeding the baby and rushing out the door before the nanny (aka my sister) arrives. It feels so crazy and hectic and wonderful at the same time. I'm sure eventually the novelty will wear off one day but for now I love the hustle and bustle of being a working mom. But then again I love Friday's and Monday's when I can be a stay at home mom too. Yesterday there was a big snow storm here in Minnesota and me and baby didn't leave the house all day. We slept late, made bread (of course I did most of the work), and chili. Dang I love that girl. Her smile just melts me. It goes from ear to ear and still almost brings me to tears. The best part of the day is the end of it when I get to go home and see her. I rock her to sleep, sing her a little song and put her in her crib at 7 and she sleeps until about 5. She's a great sleeper. Sunday morning we slept until 9:45.

It's amazing that I've completely lost interest in going out on the weekends. I'm so content to stay home with her and my husband (and drink wine). I use to think I wouldn't be one of those mom's that completely lost their social life once they had children but a few things have become apparent a) I don't have a babysitter and so no choice but to stay home b) after a long week it's nice to stay home c) since having the baby my "going out funds" have dwindled d) I can always have peeps over for dinner - inexpensive and fun at the same time e) on the weekends I want to spend as much time with her as possible anyway f) B and I can always go out for an early dinner with Lily (like at 5) and still get home early enough to put Lily to bed. See I'm a huge dork. I know it. The thought that I 'd have this great social life even after having a baby is just one of the many lies that I told myself along with thinking I could eat as much as I wanted while pregnant and I'd lose the weight right away. What's next? Mom hair? If I write on my blog that I'm getting a perm will somebody please say something and stop me!

I'm really hoping this three day a week deal keeps working out with my job. I can't imagine having to work a full 40 hour work week. When the heck would I see her? This american lifestyle is for the birds. Only 12 weeks maternity leave, unpaid and then right back at work. I want to move to Sweden where we could all stay at home as a family for 6 months. Wouldn't that be nice.

My big girl is 13 weeks old. So far the big changes have been her alertness, her big smiles and her better sleeping. Oh and she loves her bath time. I think her bath time is my favorite time of the entire week. This is much easier that the first few weeks when I thought I was losing my mind. Well I think I did lose it briefly. Here's a new photo of my sweet girl. Ok. I'll stop gushing now.