Monday, March 16, 2009


There is something to be said about being a homeowner. I feel settled in a way that I haven't felt in my 37 years. I love my home and I'm so happy that we pushed ourselves and bought this house and went through the pain of moving and finding renters for our townhome. We really stretched ourselves financially and it all worked out. Our house isn't a dream home by any stretch of the term but it is a dream home for me. When I think about where I grew up for me this home feels like a palace and I'm so happy Lily gets to be raised here in this house in this nice neighborhood. I really feel complete for the first time in my life. I have the family I've always wanted and we have a nice home to entertain and have our families come over and host holidays. We've lived here for three months and I still looked around almost daily and thank God that I'm here living the life that I dreamed of for so long. I still look at Lily and I'm amazed constantly by her presence in my life. There are toys all over family room and our living room is just one big play room because we don't have any furniture in there yet and I love it. I have a gazillion things I want to do to redecorate and things I new furniture I want to buy and things I want to paint but right now I'm just focusing on living here and being here and being grateful. It took me a long time to get here. My road to having a family was long and painful and I don't just mean the infertility. My dysfunctional upbringing left me longing for a family way before I was even married or tried to have kids.

Today was the first nice day that we've had in months. The temperature got up to 62 degrees and it felt wonderful to be able to open the sliding glass door in our kitchen and let the fresh air come in. Lily loves going outside and just stands by the glass door waiting for me to take her outside. I could hear kids outside playing and basketballs bouncing against garage doors, and kites flying overhead. They were all sounds of a neighborhood that reminded me of my neighborhood growing up. I could hear vacuums cleaners going in other neighbors houses and sounds of their families sitting on their deck, windows wide open and the wonderful sounds of family life filled my little corner of the world.

My sweet Lily is 14 months old and is walking/running around all over the place. She is still taking her bottle and not totally embracing the sippy cup thing yet but she's working on it. She's so smart she understands B when he speaks Serbian and me when I speak English to her. She loves her piggy stuffed animal and takes him with her everything. She loves the basement and always wants B to take her down there to play. She loves the outside and always wants to go go go. We love her so much and hug and kiss her a million times in a day. She's so independent you can hardly hold her for two seconds and she wants to get her going. She loves spinach, sweet potatoes, squash. I try and do most of her cooking. When I make her spinach you'd think Iwas serving her chocolate cake she just eats it up so fast and can't get enough. She's a good sleeper and almost always sleeps through the night until about 6:30. She's down by 7:30 and takes two naps a day. One quick one in the morning and then a little longer one in the afternoon. She just started coloring a little bit and likes stickers and her books. I just want to hold her tight every day to freeze time because she's growing so fast I can't keep up.

And...I'm thinking more about having another baby. Just thinking but I am thinking about it....a lot.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


My sister and Lily are at baby story time in the library and I'm actually alone in my house. I don't think I've bee alone here since we moved in. It sure is quiet. Since I'm trying to blog more I thought I'd take this opportunity to write a few thoughts.

Lately when I put Lily to bed at night we've been saying our prayers as I rock her to sleep. And I thank God for all the things that we are grateful for and pray for those less fortunate than us. I feel so blessed to be able to give my child all of the things she needs. I think the hardest thing in the entire world would be to not be able to help your children or give them food or be able to care for them and have to watch them suffer. I'm so thankful for Lily's smiles and her laughs and that she is a happy, healthy and beautiful baby.

Well that was a short post. They are ready for me to pick them up.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Making time to blog

There are so many damn things to do in a day that by the end of it blogging is LOW on my priority list. But writing has always given me a sense of purpose and I love rereading my blog posts and diary entries so I know how much value it has. So I'm going to really try to get it back on track.

Here are a few Lily updates.
1. She's an official walker. 13 months almost to the day she just took off and she's not looking back. It's so adorable to see her and her little leggies walking.
2. She can do "So big" in english and serbian. B is trying to speak to her mostly in serbian and she is understanding him.
3. She is sleeping pretty well these days. Goes to bed right around 7 or 7:30 and has been sleeping until 6:30. Her morning nap can be anywhere from 30 min. to a full hour and then the afternoon nap is right about an hour.
4. She drinks a full 8 oz in the morning and then two 5 oz bottles during the day and then anotehr 8 oz at night before bed. She eats three meals and usually one snap. Loves spinach and sweet potatoes and she seems to really like chicken a lot. She's not so keep on beef. I try and do most of the cooking for she eats pretty well as long as she' s entertained with a toy or something interesting. As soon as she's bored those lips shut and you can't get anything in. But the minute you give her something new to play with she opens up and wide as can be an eats like a champ. She's has me totally wrapped around her cute little finger.
5. Her love affair with her piggy is still going strong. She loves that stuffed animal. She's such an affectionate and loving little baby. Always giving us kisses and hugs. She loves to hug her stuffed animals and give them kisses.
6. She just started to like to clean up with a paper towel. She'll wipe the tables and the sofa with the paper towel like she's cleaning.
7. She also like to take everything out of her laundry basket and out of her toy bins. Putting things away is a different story. But she's a pro at taking things out and throwing them on the floor.
8. She loves her books. Sometimes in the morning she'll just sit on the floor by her stack of books and sit there for like 20 minutes and look through each one.

Anyway now about me. Well I am loving my new house and all the space that we have her for Lily to play. I still have some redecorating to do (once I get some cash) to make it more my style but I really love the open space and the fact that we have a dining room and formal living room. I wasn't too happy about having a gas fireplace instead of wood burning but I have to stay I have fallen in love with that fireplace over the past month when it has been like -20 degrees every single day in January. I love working at home and having my sister as my nanny taking care of Lily while I'm working. It's nice to be at home and still be able to come downstairs and have lunch with her and play sometimes throughout the day. I think she's getting a little confused with me here though because she doesn't understand why I keep leaving to go upstairs and she wants to stay by me but I hand her off to my sister when I have to get back to work. That part is an adjustment for her. I'm just so thankful that I don't have her in daycare.

I've been trying to get back on weight watchers and count my points daily. I definitely went off my points yesterday with the super bowl and eating at old country buffet for my aunt's birthday (her choice not mine). I really want to be able to lose weight before spring. We have so many wonderful trails around here and I just can't wait to get outside in my backyard. For the first time I'm actually looking forward to spring and summer. We have a nice deck with a gazebo and a big back yard. I can't wait to have friends over for BBQ's. I just never felt like I had enough space at our townhouse to entertain and it always stressed me out because there was never enough room. But the kitchen, family room and deck are all open with big windows and I just can't wait to have everything open and the fresh air coming in. And for Lily to get to play outside in her sandbox.

Now if we could just find a renter for our townhouse. We thought we had someone signed up for a one year lease but it sounds like they might be backing out. If that could happen then we'd be all set.

When I look back at all the things I wanted for my life before I had Lily I can honestly say that I have it. This is pretty much what I wanted. I wanted to work and have a career but still be able to spend quality time with her. I couldn't imagine her having to go to daycare 10 hours a day but at the same time I wanted to work. So this really is the perfect situation. My mom comes over a lot during the day and sometimes my neice comes by. I love the feeling of my home being filled with people and family. When it comes down to it family is what is most important and I'm so thankful for mine.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hoursin a day are not enough, remember the story of the mayonnaise jar andthe 2 BeersA professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items infront of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very largeand empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. Hethen asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into thejar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areasbetween the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar wasfull. They agreed it was.The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more ifthe jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and pouredthe entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty spacebetween the sand. The students laughed.'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you torecognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are theimportant things---your family, your children, your health, your friendsand your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and onlythey remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the otherthings that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand iseverything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jarfirst,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golfballs. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy onthe small stuff you will never have room for the things that areimportant to you. 'Pay attention to the things that are critical to yourhappiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents.Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take yourspouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time toclean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf ballsfirst---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest isjust sand.'One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beerrepresented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' Thebeer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there'salways room for a couple of beers with a friend.' Please share this withsomeone you care about.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. 2008 Review.

Since forming sentences in a witty and metaphorical fashion will take precious time and energy that I simply do not have, I am going to write in spurts instead. I want to remember this year since it was the biggest year of my life and I think I did a poor job of detailing it but I must at least attempt to get something down in this blog about 2008.

So what did I do in 2008 that makes it such a big important year?
I HAD A BABY. I BOUGHT A HOUSE. I GOT A NEW JOB. The later two happened within the last month. The baby part happened actually in 2007 but since she was only a few days old I'm going to squeek her in as a 2008 event if you don't mind. I've had no time to blog with the house hunting, house packing and eventual house purchasing, moving and now unpacking. Christmas this year was devine. First of all I have to mention that I've sat through many many years of boring christmases wishing and hoping and praying for one day to have a child of my own. I did breath in and out a few wonderful signs of complete blissful happiness on Christmas Eve as I watched Lily crawling all over my sister's house, pulling herself up on everything, playing with the wrapping paper and bows and marveling at the Christmas tree. She entertained my whole family and made everyone laugh. We were all taking her picture so much that she grabbed my mom's camera and actually put it up to her little eye to take our picture. I love love love that girl more than I ever though my heart could love anything on this earth. My mom stayed over in our new house on Christmas Eve and Lily and I went in my mom's room and woke her up on Christmas morning. Then we went downstairs and opened presents. I did manage to put up a Christmas tree in our new house and actually had it decorated and presents were wrapped underneath. I feel pretty accomplished about this. I felt so happy and grateful to be in our new house with my husband, daughter and mom on Christmas morning. And I felt so very lucky. I didn't let the fact that so many people have so little this time of year get lost on me. I truly felt thankful. My brother came over too so I made dinner for everyone. Then B and I crashed on the couch with some wine and enjoyed the fireplace with our stockings glowing on the mantel in the background. I'm not sure if it is having a child or having an actual home of our own but this year I really felt Christmas for this first time since I was a child.

Lily's first birthday. My sweetheart turned ONE on December 28th. I can't believe she is one year old already. Where has the time gone. It's just flying by. Some times I just want to squeeze her and hold her tight and keep her my little baby forever. B and I threw a great first birthday party for her at our church. Our house wasn't first birthday party ready so we opted to have it at the church hall. There were about 30 adults 8 kids there. Both me and Lily had colds so we weren't feeling the best. My good friend Jill who is a librarian read stories and sang songs for the kids. B and I bought her this little cart that she can push at FAO Schwartz. It's made in Italy and it is just the most adorable thing. B was so excited to give it to her but when she saw it she was afraid of it. Now of course she is pushing that thing all over the place and she loves it. Her cake was a winnie the pooh, tigger and piglet cake. It was a great party and even though we were rushing up until the very end to get the balloons up and the hall decorated it all turned out great. We even panicked at one point because the lock was frozen to the church and people were about to arrive and we couldn't get in. But B said a prayer since we were at a church it seemed appropriate and wala the lock opened!

There is so much more I want to write but right now I'm at my in-laws and they are going to babysit tonight so B and I can go to a movie and I need to get Lily ready for bed. We haven't had a date night in forever.

Happy 2009 everyone out there.