There is something to be said about being a homeowner. I feel settled in a way that I haven't felt in my 37 years. I love my home and I'm so happy that we pushed ourselves and bought this house and went through the pain of moving and finding renters for our townhome. We really stretched ourselves financially and it all worked out. Our house isn't a dream home by any stretch of the term but it is a dream home for me. When I think about where I grew up for me this home feels like a palace and I'm so happy Lily gets to be raised here in this house in this nice neighborhood. I really feel complete for the first time in my life. I have the family I've always wanted and we have a nice home to entertain and have our families come over and host holidays. We've lived here for three months and I still looked around almost daily and thank God that I'm here living the life that I dreamed of for so long. I still look at Lily and I'm amazed constantly by her presence in my life. There are toys all over family room and our living room is just one big play room because we don't have any furniture in there yet and I love it. I have a gazillion things I want to do to redecorate and things I new furniture I want to buy and things I want to paint but right now I'm just focusing on living here and being here and being grateful. It took me a long time to get here. My road to having a family was long and painful and I don't just mean the infertility. My dysfunctional upbringing left me longing for a family way before I was even married or tried to have kids.
Today was the first nice day that we've had in months. The temperature got up to 62 degrees and it felt wonderful to be able to open the sliding glass door in our kitchen and let the fresh air come in. Lily loves going outside and just stands by the glass door waiting for me to take her outside. I could hear kids outside playing and basketballs bouncing against garage doors, and kites flying overhead. They were all sounds of a neighborhood that reminded me of my neighborhood growing up. I could hear vacuums cleaners going in other neighbors houses and sounds of their families sitting on their deck, windows wide open and the wonderful sounds of family life filled my little corner of the world.
My sweet Lily is 14 months old and is walking/running around all over the place. She is still taking her bottle and not totally embracing the sippy cup thing yet but she's working on it. She's so smart she understands B when he speaks Serbian and me when I speak English to her. She loves her piggy stuffed animal and takes him with her everything. She loves the basement and always wants B to take her down there to play. She loves the outside and always wants to go go go. We love her so much and hug and kiss her a million times in a day. She's so independent you can hardly hold her for two seconds and she wants to get her going. She loves spinach, sweet potatoes, squash. I try and do most of her cooking. When I make her spinach you'd think Iwas serving her chocolate cake she just eats it up so fast and can't get enough. She's a good sleeper and almost always sleeps through the night until about 6:30. She's down by 7:30 and takes two naps a day. One quick one in the morning and then a little longer one in the afternoon. She just started coloring a little bit and likes stickers and her books. I just want to hold her tight every day to freeze time because she's growing so fast I can't keep up.
And...I'm thinking more about having another baby. Just thinking but I am thinking about it....a lot.