Thursday, January 24, 2008

Wow this is hard

I'm not sure what happened to my quiet, peaceful little bundle of joy but yesterday she turned into a different baby. She pretty much cried from morning until night. I pretty much cried from morning until night too. I hated seeing her so upset and me not knowing what was wrong or what to do. I felt like the worst mother in the world. I didn't know if she was in pain or what the problem was but nothing soothed her. I haven't slept much the past two nights and I'm sure that's not helping the situation. B going back to work on Tuesday hasn't helped either. Everything worked perfectly the past three weeks with him at home. I actually thought I was pretty good at the mom thing, maybe even a natural. But he's only been at work for two days and I'm falling apart. The days are long. It's hard to find the time to pump, wash the bottles and feed her when she's crying hysterically. I feel like I'm at a stand still with the breastfeeding situation. I don't know how to make her go to the breast full time. She will go there and latch on and sit there and suck for almost one hour sometimes and then she's hungry at the end of it. So I don't know if I should just put her back on the breast, give her a bottle or what to do. I'm not sure how much she gets when she goes there but when I pump afterwards I get about 3 oz. so it seems like she didn't get much of anything. It's all very stressful. I didn't think it would be this stressful or this hard. Stupid me.

My good friend H came over yesterday when I was in crisis and set up my bouncy chair. So far it seems like a life saver. She loves sitting in it. In fact, she's sleeping in it right now. I'm not sure if it was gas yesterday or what but there's nothing worse than seeing your child crying and not knowing what to do. I felt so helpless.

Let's hope this gets easier or I get better at it or I get some sleep. I'll take any one of the three.


Heather said...

I remember it being tough when my DH went back to work. I came to comment with assvice, but I don't know if it'll work. It's really just ideas to try. One is to contact a lactation consultant about nursing to ask your questions you have. I found mine wonderful and we were able to nurse for seven months even though we had to get over a horrible yeast infection.

Also the boucy seat is the best thing ever!!! My DD was in it whenever I wanted a shower or a few minutes to do something.

The last one that seemed to help here was that DD got really cranky when DH was first home and I was trying to make dinner. It never worked for me with my skinny arms, but DH would walk around with her in a reverse cradle hold (she'd be face down on his arm with her head near the crook of his arm) while I got dinner made. After he'd walk with her for 20 minutes like this, she'd be asleep and dinner would be made. It was a routine we got into.

Hang in there!!!

jayne said...

I'm in week 4 myself. The reverse cradle hold has worked in our house also. I've had two meetings with a lactation consultant because of latch problems in the last month and they've helped, although you may have already done that if you've been having problems. One thing the LC did say is that if baby nurses more than 45 mintes and appears to be just comfort nursing at that point, s/he is probably starting to loose calories by expending the effort over such a long time, so at 45 minutes take her off and try something else to comfort.

I, too, am feeling somewhat worthless. I have been assured by everone that this is how we're supposed to feel in the first month and that it really does get easier. You can't judge anything by your first week being on your own. Of course it's going to be insane! I have all new respect for 1)single moms and 2)women with twins.